Define 'BEING THERE'

"How come you don't call or text me as often as you used to anymore? I've noticed that nowadays you don't have the time for me but if it's to hangout with them, you'll drop everything you were doing and make time for them.."

The phrase above was shared to me by a friend of mine. One of her friend texted her that and accused her of being unfair and 'not being there' for her. And FYI, 'them' was actually my friends and I.

Define 'being there'. If 'being there' refers to the part that she should be there to comfort and help her friend when she is in need,then I'd say that yeap, my friend has definitely not played her 'good friend' role. But even then, I believe she surely would have had a good explanation to justify her absence from her 'role'.

However, if 'being there' refers to the part that she should spend every spare moment she has with her - shopping or any other activities that you can think off. Then, I'd say that her friend has lost her mind. Doesn't she know that my friend has her own life too?

*****

In the past few years or so, I have come to realized that I'm not particularly a good friend one should have. Not because I am one who likes to back-stab or take advantage of her friends, but more because of the fact that I like to have my space. Perhaps 'freedom' should be the word.

Honestly, I am not one who texts her friends every single day and devote every waking moment to them. I have a few friends who are in that category, and hey - it's good for them. But seriously, it's not who I am. I don't do that. But Alhamdulillah, I am still blessed with good friends who have been there through thick and thin with me, in various chapters of my life.

Whenever you need me, I will be there for you and I'll try my very best to comfort and help you deal with whatever problems you are facing in your life. But don't expect me to only devote my time to you and judge me when I don't hangout with you 24/7 for I have my own life to deal with. I have other set of friends that needs me as well, and most importantly I have my family who is very dear to me.

And as I come to accept this part of me, I have been more open to discussing about this matter with my friends and tell them frankly about this fact. It's not because I don't care, it's just that I am most of the time caught up with other aspects of my life.

And seriously, when you think about it - don't you think that it is unfair as well to tie down this person whom you called friend to you and only you?

I believe that what sums up a good friend is not the amount of time that he/she devotes to you but her/his ability to seriously BE THERE for you when you have problems that you can't cope on your own. And also, the fact that he/she is able to comfort you without having to say a word and just by being there.

I'm sure there are other descriptions out there on the attitudes or attributes of a good friend, but for me - what is written above sums it all up.

*****

That's why I said her friend has lost her mind - because being a friend doesn't require you to submit to your friend's every wishes and whims ALL the time. There should be give & take in any form of relationship. And this relationship holds no exception.